This time, the Gods are REALLY angry

It's finally over. My exams that is. The last few weeks I struggled with an alien concept called "exams". Thats when your teachers in college give you sheets of paper, which are, believe this or not, blank! You, yes you, are supposed to fill them in. With what? Hey, don't ask me.

Don't ask any of my other friends too. They don't have much of a clue either. One of them, an aspiring artist, saw the blank sheets and decided to indulge in some "modern art". It wasn't very well appreciated by our Science Faculty. They returned it saying he "coloured outside the lines".

Anyway, I digress. My point is that I've just been through these exams, and now that I'm finally free, I've started thinking. Note that we college students don't think during exam time. Thats only for the hard working dorks. We indulge in a higher form of mental activity known as "cramming".

But like I was saying, I've finally started thinking. About this entire concept of examinations. And I ask you, I ask you, whats the point? We don't know nothing, so why test us on that? They could just ask us questions directly instead of making us write stuff:

PROFESSOR: State your name and roll number
STUDENT (his mind on the hot babe he met in Applied Physics lab): Hydrogen Peroxide
PROFESSOR (not noticing since even HIS mind is on the hot babe in Applied Physics lab): Thank you. Now what's seven minus five?
STUDENT (by now thinking unpure thoughts about the hot babe in Applied Physics lab): Schrodingers Wave Equation.
PROFESSOR (having unprintable thoughts about you know who): Very good, very good. Passed. Next!

I did not make the above conversation up. It really did occur. "Weirdo" is my college's middle name.

Where was I, where was I? Oh yes, criticizing the written examination system. Trust me, its completely futile. As I was saying, the profs give you blank papers. We hand them right back, which are then handed to us again during the next examination. This completes what is known in scientific circles as the "biological cycle".

These blank papers have been in circulation right since the year 1450 BC since the establishment of written examinations in the Brutus Elementary School, Rome.

And sometimes (very rarely I assure you but still sometimes) when somebody does decide to write on these blank sheets (mostly just to test his pen), it don't matter, because his answer is wrong anyway. Nothing illustrates this better as the example when our class topper, in response to the question "State the origin of lightning", wrote "God getting angry".

I bet this must have made the profs in the faculty room hopping mad. "Damn! Somebody wrote! Now we'll have to order new blank sheets".

So what I propose is that we do away with all this writing stuff. This will benefit a lot of people in my college, who don't know how to read. Many people in my college are still stuck on their A B C D's. And I'm talking about the professors, not the students.

To test our knowledge, we could introduce orals, whereby our intellectual depth could be examined in a series of question answer sessions. This has the added advantage of allowing us to think unpure thoughts, which is so essential for the proper mental growth of a twenty year old.

To those of you who cannot express yourself very well and are worried that your orals may not be good, I just have one suggestion to make:

REMEMBER TO SWALLOW, NOT SPIT