The Gods must be burping

I have a confession to make: I'm going mad. Slowly but surely, its creeping up on me. I can feel it stretching its tentacles out, gripping me.

And whats the reason for this? My exams. They're just round the corner. Every semester, my college, for some really weird reason, decides to conduct an "examination". That's slang for "copying stuff from my neighbours paper". At the end of each semester, thousands of us naive "students" (slang for "twenty year olds more interested in Britney Spears than books") sit down with a prayer on our lips, praying that the other guy has done more than me. We all pray. And most of us don't even believe in God. That's the power of examinations for you.

Ha ha! Of course I'm kidding! Personally I'm a great believer in the examination system. Exams have allowed me to spend hours and hours of my time (which would otherwise have been spent fantasizing about Britney) in such interesting and constructive activities such as "mugging by rote", "making chits" and "leaking papers".

Ha ha! Just joking. I don't leak papers. I just mug by rote and make chits. So don't worry.

Now to answer the question that is on all of your lips: Who's responsible for this galatic mess?

The evolution and history of exams can be traced all the way back to the year 1450 BC, in the Brutus Elementary School, Rome. There, the principal (slang for "old wheezer on his last legs"), made an astonishing discovery: his pupils, without an appropriate system to test their knowledge, were not studying.

He realized that his pupils knew nothing when he asked them about the origin of lightning. More than half the class said that lightning was caused due to "God getting angry", whereas scientific studies conducted at that time had conclusively established that lightning was actually due to the Gods burping.

He thus put in a system of examinations to check their level of knowledge. Of course at that time paper hadn't been invented yet, so the students had to take a chisel and carve their answers on the walls of their caves. Needless to say, this took a lot of time, during which the principal died, and the entire class got promoted anyways.

Aaah. Cut to present.

This system has withstood the ravages of time, and is now in place in colleges all over the world. Unfortunately by this time paper has been invented, which means that examinations don't take much time, which in turn means that the chances of the principal dying during one is like really, really slim.

Our Students Association did put in a petition in parliament to go back to the old method of chiseling on rocks, the reason given being "to save trees", but our politicians (slang for "we care only about ourselves") rejected it.

All this means that in a week from now, I'll have to sit for my second year exams.

Please pray for me.

SLANG FOR "OR ELSE I'LL FAIL"

PS: The above article is satire, okay? Don't take it seriously. After all, we all know that lightning is caused due to the Gods being angry only. The burping thing is a joke.