India. The land of oppurtunity

Theres been a lot of cribbing going on recently about how software engineers leave India for better oppurtunities abroad, and then never return. Well, what would happen if he does choose to return? Lets see ...

Okay, so this software engineer works abroad for a few years, and now comes back to settle in India. Because this is his country, and he wants to make it a better place. His journey starts NOW:

First three months:
He is really happy. Home at last! Happy at last! He meets all his relatives, and they seem very happy at his return. What they really are happy about though, is all the gifts he bought for them. His friends seem very happy too at seeing him. But they are not very happy at all. After all three years is a long time, and resuming friendships after three years can be tough. And they are secretly jealous of him because after all, he went to the USA, while they were rotting in India. But they still smile, because that is the done thing. So actually very few people (his closest relatives) are happy at his return. Our hero doesn't know this though. Too bad.

Next three months:
Starts searching for a job. Finds out that Jesus, India is hot! He sweats whole day. He misses the AC he had in the States. Has to travel in a crowded bus. So crowded, that it seems that all of India's one billion people are cramped in it. He misses the efficient transportation network of the States. But anyway, one has to sacrifice something in order to gain something else. But now hes just, just starting to think, what have I gained?

Next three months:
Gets a good job. Makes enough to become eligible for a car loan. Buys a car. No more crowded buses for him. Even installs an AC in his car. Relief at last? Ha! You should be so lucky! Because now, he finds out that he has to deal with crowded roads. Where it takes him one hour to cover distances that would take him ten minutes to cover in the USA. And sometimes, if he's lucky, he even gets to see cows on the road! Imagine that! The state takes peoples money through taxes and uses it to build roads for cows! But he mustn't complain. Cows are, after all, sacred. Never mind if they hold up traffic. And if he's really, really lucky, sometimes he even gets to see various processions on roads. Marriage processions, political processions, diwali processions, this processions and that processions. Because this is India, where every asshole thinks that he owns the roads. And I haven't even come close to mentioning bad roads and pollution yet.

Next one month:
But never mind, but never mind. He is India's future, India's hope. HE will change it. HE will make India a better place, the envy of, of, why the envy of USA! Fool. Never mind the fact that better people before him have tried and bit the dust. Never mind that in the general scheme of things, he is nobody. Never mind that in India, corruption, bribery, shortcut taking, complete lack of responsibility are words that children learn to speak before they say "mama" or "papa". Never mind those facts. After all what are facts in the face of idealism?

Next two years:
He tries changing the system and guess what? He can't. Can't even come close. Because the system can't be changed. Because ---- and this is the key point ------ the people of India (the ones hes fighting for) don't want the system to be changed. The people of India love taking shortcuts. Never mind the consequences. And the present system is an ideal shortcut taking mechanism. The people love it. And who is this new fool who wants to change it? Kick him out we say.

Next three months:
Well okay, so he can't change the system. But what the hell, at least he's in India. But now he gets lonely. So searches for a wife. Oh sorry, its his father who actually searches for his wife (this is the part that really pisses me off. I mean what the fuck, is the father going to marry the girl?). So his father sees a few photos and decides on a good looking face. Never mind values such as intelligence, character, honesty, integrity. After all, we all know that a women's place is in the kitchen. And whoever needed intelligence, character, honesty and integrity to cook? The face is the key. So the date is fixed. Have the future bride and bridegroom met? No, no what for? They will get along well. It says so in their horoscopes. Its all in the stars. After all, marriages are made in heaven. So he gets married and guess what? He's still lonely.

Next three months:
The new wife gets the shit beaten out of her (black and blue) by her new mother and father. Because she didn't bring enough dowry. The new husband does not say anything, because his mom is involved. And he is after all, like most Indians are, mammas boy. Never mind if his wife gets beaten. He doesn't love her much. His father loves her (he's the one who chose the girl remember?) In fact, sometimes, a few assholes even help in the beating up of the wives. Isn't wife beating fun? And the girl, does she do anything? Write a police complaint perhaps? No no, this is after all her "pati parmeshwar" Well what can I say? Anyone who thinks that deserves to get beaten.

Twenty years down the line:
So well, our hero's story is nearing an end (And I'm getting tired of typing as well). He's old, has a paunch, eats and spits pan a lot. He couldn't do anything, he just ended up as another cog in the wheel. He had two kids, a boy and a girl, as everyone in India must have. His wife is middle aged and dowdy (if she managed to survive and live through the beatings that is). But he is in India. The system is unchanged, but he is in India. It wouldn't have mattered if he was in the US, but he is in India. If theres one thing that he managed to achieve, it's that he bought up his kids in the Indian tradition. He's proud of that. Or is he? (He he he) His son speaks only in English because Indian languages are "uncool", wears only western clothes because Indian clothes are for "dorks", eats only western fast food because Indian food is "yucky", watches only MTV and V because Hindi channels are "boring" and shows no respect for his parents, because they are old fools who will blindly love him even if he sticks it up their asses. And the girl? Oh well, she ran away with the neighboring panwalla's son when she was seventeen, because she was like, really sure that she was in love with him. The panwalla's son had his share of fun, then ran away again after making the girl preggers. The girl had an abortion and now sits at home doing nothing.

LONG LIVE INDIA