Why ban a perfectly good thing?

On March 29 2001, the Indian Express featured an article on its front page. The town of Palwal, forty five kms from Delhi, has banned meat. Not even eggs have been permitted to enter the town confines since March 14. This radical move has been endorsed and made official by the local Municipal Council, with the result that the local police now hunts down shops and restaurants serving meat.

You got that right: Police are busy chasing meat eaters, and the thieves are having a field day. Make money while the meat shines.

This move was prompted by the local Godman Kamta Das, Mahant of Shri Hanuman Panohwati Temple. His exact words, and I'm quoting him here, were:

"We will try to bring back those who are non-vegetarians to the pure way of life."

But I'm enjoying my "un-pure" meat eating life. Please, please, go away and leave me alone.

"I used to suffer just seeing those shops. It wasn't right."

Just as I'm suffering at the thought that you are sharing the same breathing space as me. It isn't right.

Vegetarians never cease to amaze me. But I don't mind someone being vegetarian. It's your own individual choice, and I respect that. Besides, I don't give much of a shit about you. You can be vegetarian, non-vegetarian, black, white, gay, straight, crippled, just don't piss me off and we'll get along fine. But I hate it when vegetarians start preaching about the "virtues" of vegetarianism. Hey, maybe I just like being un-virtuous, okay?

If you ask me, I feel that vegetarians are missing out on a great variety of mind-boggling food due to some stupid reason or the other. But have you ever found me waving my arms, shouting out the joys of meat or trying to convert someone into becoming an omnivore? No. You mind your own business, and I'll mind mine.

That's a nice little ideal, isn't it? Lets repeat it: You mind your own business, and I'll mind mine.

But when the Government decides to outlaw meat, I can't mind my business. And that is a freaking big problem.

I mean really, doesn't the Government have anything better to do? Aren't issues such as education (or the lack of it), abject poverty, corruption more pressing issues facing India? What is more shocking, the fact that our Defense Minister can be bought or the fact that I eat cows and goats?

And please spare me the shit about messing up animals lives. They don't have any okay?

The cow that I am going to eat this Sunday (if my mom makes Biryani) does not actually have an active social life or something. By killing it, I'm not going to be interrupting his next business deal. He was just walking around whole day, all but wearing a sign that read "Please eat me".

It's a cow.

As an omnivore, I'll try just about anything. Meat is meat. Dog, cat and cow all look the same when stir-fried with mixed vegetables.

"Dog?!?", you say, "dog!!!?"

Dogs are our pets. They protect our homes. They nestle against us after we've had a hard day at work. They run and jump and romp and play.

But I bet they're damn tasty too.

Nor you nor the Government nor my roomate next door who's kept an alarm at freaking 5 am thereby interrupting my sleep everyday should be bothered about what goes inside my mouth.

Not unless I decide to eat up one of you.

THEN MAYBE YOU'VE GOT REASON TO COMPLAIN