My December 25th wish

Dear Santa Claus,

This is Mustafa speaking. You know, the really cool and happening dude from Pune. Yes, yes, the one you point out to others as an example to follow.

I just wanted to let you know that I have been a very good boy this last month. I have not troubled my mummy nor my daddy. Not much anyway. I did spill coffee on my mom's new dress at breakfast two weeks ago, but I promise it was an accident. And we all know that no one is responsible for accidents right?

I did trouble my brother a little bit, but my brother is an asshole anyway. He deserves all the troubling he can get. I did not trouble my girl friend at all. Thats because I don't have a girl friend to trouble.

In fact, this is the reason that I am writing this letter to you. Dear Santa Claus, this Christmas please put a beautiful girl under my pillow for me to find when I wake up. Make her hair blonde, her face oval and her eyes blue. Because you are a family man I will not describe in detail other parts of her, um, anatomy, that I desire. I will have to trust your judgement on that count. Please don't screw up.

I promise I will take very good care of her. I will take her out every day. I will buy expensive gifts for her until my bank account runs out. I will get her drunk but I promise not to take advantage of her. I'm not that sort of a guy. I also promise to love her truly and deeply. Until next Christmas that is, when I shall ask you for an updated version.

And if you have trouble finding a suitable girl, please contact me. I already have a list of potential candidates ready.

If this sounds like too much trouble, then you can just send me a Yamaha RX100 bike instead.

I'LL CARE FOR IT BETTER THAN ANY GIRL

Regards,
Mustafa