We need more of the morality police

I had been suspecting this for quite some time now. But it's now official. God hates me. Why else would he put in a stupid Valentines Day in the year?

I mean really. We have enough days already. Christmas, Eid, Diwali, my birthday, your birthday, my aunts birthday, her first sons christening day, the neighboring panwala's marriage anniversary, your parents divorce anniversary (which is always a good time to party). There are enough "DAYS" in the year. In fact, the Gallup Poll recently conducted a survey which showed that any given year is made up of 365 1/4 days, but has 675 8/9 celebratory occasions.

I went to the Gallup Organization for a clarification, but they were too busy partying for their 67th anniversary.

Anyway, back to the point, who the hell needs Valentines Day? The lucky few who already have boyfriends/girlfriends can bloody celebrate the spirit of love 365 days a year.

Valentines Day ought to have been meant for people like me. Hell, even I need some loving and caring. And some hugs and kisses. But no. But no.

I never get love and affection. Instead, I get shit shoved up my nose. And this is never more prominent than on Valentines Day. Normally, whenever I see a couple, I feel so jealous that I want to purchase a handgun and blow their brains out. But on Valentines Day, whenever I see a couple, I feel like dropping an entire nuclear bomb on them. That ought to show them a thing or two.

And lets face it, couples in love are irritating okay? I mean just today morning, I was searching for a place to park my bike. The entire lot was full. Then in walk a lovey-dovey pair, hands clasped together, big Colgate smiles on their faces. They walk to their car and get in, obviously ready to leave. I heave a sigh of relief; finally I get space to park my bike. But I wait and wait. And the car never starts. I mean WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN THERE? COOKING DINNER?

So I finally park my bike and enter Westside (I'm there to buy a pant). So I pick a black chinos and head towards the changing room. But its full. Theres a guy in there ahead of me, trying out. He's joined by a friend who's there to check out the fit. And I wait and wait. And they never come out. I mean WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN THERE? COOKING DINNER?

I finally get out and head to Dorabjees (I'm hungry and I need something to eat). And lo and behold, who do I see in the line in front of me? Why, its another couple madly in love! The girl points to a pastry and says something and giggles. The guy points to coffee and says something and smiles. Then they both start speaking together and start laughing. And I wait and wait. And they never give their order. I mean WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN THERE? COOKING DINNER?

I'm telling you, Valentines Day is a totally useless festival. Its just been designed to rub salt in the wounds of single people like me. And you. So don't laugh at me.

The only people who ought to be laughing are the ones in the greeting cards business. They laugh themselves silly all the way to the bank. All they have to do is print a hundred thousand cards with the words "I love you" on them, and by next morning, they find out that they have overtaken Bill Gates in terms of total net worth.

Oh God, why don't I have a girlfriend for whom I can buy a card with the words "I love you" on them, thus helping someone else get rich? It's just not fair.

So while you are out having fun today, please think about poor little me.

I don't have a girlfriend. Nor a boyfriend.

AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THE FUCKING GREETING CARD BUSINESS