I'm still reeling from the shock

Today I had the misfortune of seeing the film "Raju Chacha".

This film is so bad, that I'm taking the time and trouble to write and let you know the truth. So that you don't make the same mistake of watching the film that I did. The fact that I like writing is of course, purely incidental. ;-)

Now over the years, my expectations from Hindi films have been going lower and lower. Amongst mainstream films, almost all of them suck. Exceptions like "Takshak" and "Satya" are few and far between.

Raju Chacha however, sets the standards to a new all time low.

Here is why the film sucks:

1) The house in which the protagonists live in. Its a Barbie doll house. A palace. No one, absolutely no one in real life lives in a house like that. The house shown is bigger and grander than the White House, Red Fort and the Taj Mahal. Combined. The children's room contains a, believe it or not, discotheque. And we are talking about five, seven and nine year old kids. There's a chess room, in which huge black and white squares are painted on the floor, and the chess pieces are about 5 ft in height. Do the film makers really think that we'll believe any shit that they throw at us? Why can't a Hindi film be set in a normal house, you know, the kind you and I live in?

2) The way Ajay Devgan "pataos" Kajol. He goes up to her, and pretends that Kajol looks like his lost love who is now dead due to a car accident. He acts like a person unable to face the truth, still believing that his love is alive, calling Kajol by his lost love's name and constantly harassing her. Not only does Kajol believe this piece of shit, but even falls in love with him. Solely on the basis of his fictitious sob (supposedly sob, though personally I found it hilarious) story. Now if I ever try this on a real girl, you know what will happen? I'll get a slap and then the girl will call the police and throw me in jail.

3) Johnny Lever. His acting as usual is way over the top and sometimes vulgar.

4) And heres the biggest piece of schlock I've ever seen: A character in the film has prepared an inquiry report into certain irregularities that took the lives of innocent people. Now the villains, those who are indicted in the report, come to kill him. They shoot him, and get a load of this: This character dies, and while he's falling, his forehead hits the keyboard of a computer (the Enter key at that too), which sends the report by email to the good guys. Are we, as a country, that brain dead as to believe THIS?

Theres a lot of other assorted crap as well: Ajay Devgan while coming to save the kids, does not come up to the house (oops, sorry, palace) in a car. Oh no. He comes, amongst all things, in a black chariot drawn by four white horses. I don't know why. Hey, don't ask me, I didn't make this film.

And when Sanjay Dutt makes a special appearance, the screen lights up. Literally. They've put red lights near the projection screen, and when Sanjay Dutt makes his entrance, the lights light up, giving a reddish halo to the screen. I felt like walking out of the theater then and there. Sanjay Dutt is the only plus point in the film by the way. His role, though small, is well acted.

What about the story? Oh don't bother searching for it, it doesn't exist.

Wait wait, don't go. Theres more crap in store for you. As if all the above mentioned things are not enough, this film also "borrows" heavily from other English movies. They've taken in ideas straight from "Home Alone". A scene is also copied from "Cliffhanger". This scene is in fact, shown twice in "Raju Chacha". They actually had the guts to show a copied scene twice. Amazing.

The acting of both Ajay Devgan and Kajol is horrible. You know, the only reason I went to see "Raju Chacha" was that I was so impressed by Ajay Devgan in "Takshak". Now I'll have to think twice before seeing any of his films again.

Okay, so that just leaves the songs. Let me put it to you this way: I saw the film just four hours ago. And now, I can't remember a single line from a single song. I don't give a damn about songs in movies anyway, but if a movie is as bad as this, then at least the songs ought to have been good. No way. Not the songs in this movie. The first song shown is actually a cartoon. Yes, you got that right, a cartoon. They show lions and cubs and two tigers fighting. Jesus Christ. If I wanted to watch cartoons, I'd put on Cartoon Network on my TV. Why the hell would I pay forty bucks to watch a cartoon lion?

And should I even mention the fact that a Thums Up (they didn't have Coke or Pepsi) in the Victory Canteen costs Rs. 18. Only Rs. Eighteen. Damn, its that cheap. Maybe I should stock pile and buy it by the truckload.

You know what they should do? They should change the name of this film to "Raju Na Na". As in "Na na, ye film mat dekh".

Or or wait, maybe they should have named this film "Raju Ha Ha".

AS IN "HA HA HA HA HA"